Rule 66 — Put Yourself in Their Shoes

You think you know all about your partner? Well, think again. My bet is you probably do not know 100% about your partner. Similarly, your partner probably does not know 100% about you.

And it is not really a big deal to not know everything. Why so?

Well, there could be things you know which you didn’t think were important to share. You could have some embarrassing incidents which you rather not tell.

This being the case, do not assume you know your partner that well. Give them the benefit of the doubt when they flare up or get frustrated. Take a step back and look at the situation. If they are normally calm but now got irritated, there could be a bigger reason. Find out what the reason is, instead of assuming.

Put yourself in their shoes and you might see things in a different perspective.

Reflection: Your partner isn’t picking emotions out of the air at random just for fun.

Rule 67 — In-Laws are Part of the Package

Some couples simply think marriage is about just the two of them. Let me get this straight — it is not. It is about your partner and your partner’s family as well: in-laws, parents-in-law, siblings-in-law.

And you really cannot do much about the in-laws situation. It is a package you have to accept and deal with.

They are pretty much like your family, only in this case it is unlikely you can hit out at them when you are not too happy with them.

So how then do one deal with in-laws from hell?

You do not really have to deal with them. You simply have to accept them. Smile and accept that they are an integral part of your partner’s life and they probably mean a lot to him or her.

Similarly, your partner will have in-laws in terms of your parents and siblings too. And he or she has to learn to accept them as well.

An important note though — whatever the situation you and your partner are in, always make sure you stand by your partner. Do not side with your family and make him or her feel so alone. If you truly think your family is more right, bring it up when it is just the two of you.

Reflection: It is not fair on your partner to absent yourself from such a central part of their life.

Rule 68 — Keep Talking

Do you talk to each other in your relationship? At the start of the relationship, I am pretty sure you both will be engaged in conversation on end — burning up the phone lines or chatting non-stop whenever you see each other.

How about after the relationship stabilised down, or after you got married to each other? Do the conversations continue?

I hope the answer is yes. And by conversation we mean small chat sessions to find out how the partner’s day was, as well as the big issues which both partners need to be made aware of.

In your conversation, you should only focus on your thinking and your feelings — and not impose that your partner must think and feel the same way. We are all human; we all think and feel rather differently.

Reflection: When you talk you should aim to interest, entertain, inform, amuse, explain and generally sparkle.