Rule 51 — Don’t Be A Nag

If your partner isn’t going to do certain chores though they love you, they definitely are not gonna do it if you nag them. In fact, the more you nag, the less likely they are going to get it done.

Handle the situation with tact. If your partner is basically ok with most tasks but just one, maybe they simply do not like doing it. Suggest a swap. Get creative in how you communicate — without souring the relationship over such a small matter.

Reflection: If your partner isn’t generally idle, there is got to be a good reason why they are not doing whatever it is.

Rule 52 — Make Sure Your Love Making is Making Love

The sexual act is no longer just an act between married couples. A good majority of couples in love (not married yet) do indulge. There is no right or wrong as long as you both are ready and agreeable.

This Rule is not about the sexual act itself. It is about how the whole act should be — not just the horizontal tango, but the small things: holding hands, hugging, kissing.

It is about mutual respect. Two-way enjoyment.

Reflection: Once you know and love and trust each other, you can be as creative and experimental and exciting as you both want to be.

Rule 53 — Don’t Control Them

Your partner did not come with a remote control. Why do you want to control him or her?

Do you like being controlled? No? Then why are you controlling your partner?

If you are a born control freak, restrict the controlling to your area of life and give your partner space to be themselves.

Some partners might really need some controlling in case they go out of hand. Try knowing why they behave that way. If they really need to be “taken to task”, try humour instead of the remote control.

Reflection: The very fact that you make decisions for them undermines their confidence and self-esteem.

Rule 54 — Listen To What They Are NOT Saying

We are not mind readers. But there will always be partners who skirt around the real issue with the hope that you can pick it up.

Observe body language. If the conversation is light-hearted, yet they appear shifty — that is a hint. Maybe they avoid eye contact. Maybe they get irritated over a small matter.

Slowly lead your partner to spill the beans. And once they open up, do not judge or criticise. Let them speak and share. Sometimes they just need a listening ear.

Reflection: This is an interesting game because you didn’t even know you were playing it.

Rule 55 — Most Everyday Arguments Are About Something Else

Arguments in relationships can be healthy. But if the arguments are always about the same issues, then there might be more than meets the eye.

You both might always argue about whose turn it is to wash the plates. Is the washing of plates really the issue? Chances are it is not. It could be that one partner is feeling taken for granted — that his or her good nature is being exploited.

Go back to Rule 54 and listen to what they are NOT saying.

Reflection: You may think you resolved things last time, but actually you are not having the argument you think you are.