Rule 36 — Never Stop Trying to be Attractive

To some, this rule seems frivolous. But is it really?

Attractive here means the traits (both physical and behaviour) which attracted your partner to you and you to him or her. Shouldn’t you continue to upkeep those traits?

Not saying you can’t slip and must always look good. But don’t go to the other extreme and simply not care.

If you love this person, you want to continue to be attractive to them, and you would want them to do likewise.

Reflection: It is just a matter of showing your partner respect by taking their view into account.

Rule 37 — If You Can Say Something Nice, Do

When you are in a committed relationship, how often do you say nice things to your partner?

I am pretty sure during the courtship days, nice words were plentiful. Once the relationship stabilised, do you continue — or do you say things like “But you know I love you. Why ask the obvious?”

If it is obvious, why can’t or why don’t you do it?

We are all human. We like reassurance and encouragement, no matter how confident we are. It makes us feel good. So if you love your partner, why don’t you want them to feel good?

Reflection: We all need reassurance & encouragement. We are human, and that’s how we work.

Rule 38 — Don’t Try To Be Their Parent

You should be a lot of things to your partner — friend, lover, companion — but never a parent.

Your partner is a grown-up, an independent adult capable of making his or her own decisions. If you have been a parent to your partner, please stop. If you continue, you are likely to get one of two rewards: a meek partner or a rebellious one. Which do you really want?

By not being a parent, you can still share your view. Share your opinion, but leave the decision to them.

Reflection: If you want to be a parent to someone, have children.

Rule 39 — Be Part of Their Life

Do you have couple friends who seem to have separate lives even though they are married? You see them together, but most times, they seem very “single” and their partner does not seem to know much about the things they do.

Is this healthy? Obviously not.

Yes, it is good to have some me time. But that does not mean you do not welcome your partner to know what you are doing. And as a partner, don’t you think you should attempt to be interested?

Relationship is about long-term TOGETHER. If you lead separate lives, you are better off not being together.

Reflection: If you are not involved in your partner’s life, what are you there for?

Rule 40 — If Little Things Annoy You, Say So — With Humour

We are all human, meaning we all have behaviours which can be irritating to our partners.

If the action is not too annoying, a little tolerance is probably ok. But if you are finding it too annoying, be honest — tell them WITH HUMOUR. Not in a reprimanding way.

You have the right to tell them their annoying ways, but you have to accept it as well if they tell you yours. Two-way street.

Reflection: If you are going to dish it out, you have got to be able to take it.